Birthed into Motherhood

Being birthed into motherhood, a rite of passage

Last week was a lot of ‘last times’, when it came to my work. I finished  my last coaching package, and with that a beautiful journey with a woman into realizing that all she had been searching for outside of her, is actually inside: “It was me I was looking for”. The last sister circle for a while, with such a nourishing soft sensual energy. The last Monday morning dance for a while, in which I spoke my gratitude through movement and danced into my maternity leave.

And with that came the tears, the wobbliness, the feeling of discomfort and a big realization that it is happening. I love my work, and I all the pieces of the puzzle are really coming together in my work. At the same time I am in one of the biggest transformations of my life. 38 years of being with myself, making decisions for me. Being in the ‘role of Tessa’, figuring out what that role is and also working on letting go of attachment to that identification. Now moving into a new ‘role’, although I don’t like to speak of roles so much. A part of me that hasn’t come out before, is now being called to show up. The mothering part.

“Birth is a passage through the gateway that brings your child into life  and you into a mothering role. A transition when hormones surge, bodies morph and identity and relationships shift. Living and growing with children, who live entirely in the present moment, fosters authenticity.”

These words are written on the little note that comes with the New Mom soap that I created for She Blooms. To welcome new moms, to support and celebrate them in this transformation, in the rite of passage that they go through. Because let’s be honest, the old will never come back, and the new is unknown. That is scary and it is what change truly is about. Allowing grief, because with this new, with birth, there is also death of the old.

It is so important for me to let the grief move through me. Stuck grief is not something you want in your body, believe me, I have been there. I know very well. from personal experience that this messes up your system.

Luckily, nature designed us in such a beautiful way that this huge transition can take place over a long time. First 9 months, with little milestones along the way. Like now. Making motherhood more and more real, more and more accessible. Allowing the new mom in me to be sad about leaving a part of herself behind, scared and excited to what is to come.

Giving her the time to cry is she needs to. To dance if she feels like moving. To scream out her frustration when she doesn’t know what to do when she realizes that getting used to a new normal every day can be tiring.

And then there is plenty of time after birth. I learned this week that the white mass of the brain of a pregnant woman will only come back to normal 2 years after birth. To help her getting comfortable with this new part of herself. With the mom in her.

Feeling all of this at the moment, journeying through it myself I see the importance of taking the time for rite of passages, and being supported in it. I see the need for support, guidance and understanding in these changing phases in womanhood, for the self, the sensual body and the female sexuality. I see now how much I have lacked this support and understanding during menarche (first period). Nobody in my environment guided, took time for this huge change or maybe most important acknowledged the profoundness of it. Like motherhood & menopause (and maybe even marriage/long term partnership).

I am so happy and grateful that I have created the awareness and consciousness around it myself. For the community and the amazing people around me who see and feel me. For my lineage, something I strongly feel at the moment. For my most amazing partner who holds the most spacious and loving space for me.  

I feel truly supported and I can’t thank life enough for that.