My Aching Heart

My Aching, Fearing, Longing and Loving Heart

It somehow also feels important to share some of my written words about our very sad news on my blog. Our baby boy did not make it through labor. Our beautiful son Jade died a few hours before he was born on the 6th of June.

I wish I had better news to share, and photos of how he is growing every day. But unfortunately I don’t. I know, it sucks. Big time. 

The other day I was thinking how life can suddenly change 180°. From a happy and healthy pregnancy, a beautiful start of labor into returning home after giving birth in the hospital with empty hands. Just the two of us arriving in an uber with bags of memories, a big trauma and an incredible amount of love. A heavy and at the same time wide open heart.

It has been over 6 weeks now and on the one hand time has flown by, and on the other hand so much has happened. I am moving in between moments of acceptance, gratitude and seeing the bigger picture. And… moments of devastating and deep pain, sadness and fear. Living day by day, hour by hour.

The love and connection between me and Dave is stronger than ever, and we know that Jade has played a major role in that. He is a deep healer and a true connector. And we also know that he will continue to connect us deeper and deeper in true love and authenticity.

My heart aches, for the loss of our beautiful boy and the image we had of our imminent future. And, for all the sadness and grief that was still hidden inside of me. My heart fears mostly death at the moment. And I know that I have to face this fear, move beyond it. Because my heart also longs to be a mom of an earthy baby and child, with Jade as the spirit guide and guardian angel in our hearts, for me, for us and for our family.

This is all I have for now… with gratitude for you. For being with me, for all the love and support we have been receiving so far. The sharing and connection, and the knowing that we are carried is helping tremendously.

Much love,
also from Dave and Jade, 
from our hearts to yours,